“It’s all you” = No it’s all me you lazy tw*t. “Just one more” = “It’s still all me you lazy tw*t”. “I’m maxed out” = I’m a lazy tw*t. “Can I jump in?” = I’ll lift that easily and make you look like a lazy tw*t. “You done with those weights?” = Put them away you lazy tw*t.
“It’s all you” = No it’s all me you lazy tw*t. “Just one more” = “It’s still all me you lazy tw*t”. “I’m maxed out” = I’m a lazy tw*t. “Can I jump in?” = I’ll lift that easily and make you look like a lazy tw*t. “You done with those weights?” = Put them away you lazy tw*t.
Those should be on a t-shirt hahaha!
Ill sponsor ya
Comming any where near worcester? west midlands
Tank route is Edinburgh-Corbridge-Thirsk-Doncaster-Leciester-Oxford-London. Not particularly near Worcester but think about the cardio workout you could get if you cycled to join us lol!
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
Anyway I have an idea for another thread - how about a problem page in Pointless Banta? I reckon Dr Cal could solve any problem chucked at him - the answer may not be politically correct but it may amuse - whatcha think? Oh and I'll still keep this one going.
Cal - we can make you your own corner if you wish!
Cal - we can make you your own corner if you wish!
PJ I am more than happy to be your "Resident Agony Uncle". If your forum users are brave enough to bare their "problems" in public I am sure I can help. Regular readers know I am caring and compassionate: ask Mr Crippo I defo saved his marriage with my last bit of advice , Ricky can now wear his assless chaps after speaking to me and Tank, well I'm still working on that......................Let's do it.
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
PJ I am more than happy to be your "Resident Agony Uncle". If your forum users are brave enough to bare their "problems" in public I am sure I can help. Regular readers know I am caring and compassionate: ask Mr Crippo I defo saved his marriage with my last bit of advice , Ricky can now wear his assless chaps after speaking to me and Tank, well I'm still working on that......................Let's do it.
lmao i feel proud wearing my chaps and it clears the gym for me too as woman and men run screaming in all directions!
Good Day my pert-buttocked buffed chums, I hope this finds you well and pumping for Britain. I am fine, thanks for asking, and still aching from yesterdays huge chest set. Although it ended up great it didn’t start so well.
My initial performance was affected by the numerous flagons of foaming ale (and the one dry sherry) I’d downed the night before. Now I’m not saying I’d drunk that much, but I had drunk MRS CAL good looking, rude-texted the BURDS, gone on-line and ordered a Thai bride and a pair of assless chaps, then woken up with a hangover which would have undoubtedly killed a midget.
I’m told you reap what you sow, so when I found myself in the middle of a calamity: not an ordinary calamity but a stately home sized calamity with sweeping driveway, ornamental gardens and small waterfall kinda calamity I thought I must have eaten babies in a previous life. Why? because, fogged by the alcoholic fumes of the previous nights excess, I found myself lying on a bench with MILF over me (not in the Biblical sense) offering to spot some unfeasibly huge weight. I knew I hadn’t a hope in hell of benching 110 lbs and that’s when I had a brilliant brainwave. I told MILF we should change the routine by cutting short the session, going light and increasing the reps.
Because I write on this thread she believed me…..until ANOTHER BLOKE and CHUBBS came in. When I told CHUBBS (who incidentally is sulking because he hasn’t had much of a mention in this thread) there wasn’t a buffet to be found in the gym he replied with the worse insult a sad-middle-aged-wannabe- bodybuilder could ever hear when he told me “you’ve got skinny legs”. Now the reason my legs are skinny is because my cardio of choice is cycling. I like my legs, they are the only part of me which don’t wobble when I walk. However when an insult like that is delivered by an ex-GB athlete then I believe him cos he has a T-Shirt with “Team GB” on it and not the kind on sale in TESCOS but the kind you see on the telly. It was a fair point really and I told him that when he woke up after I’d hit him with a 20kg plate. Anyway I haven’t learned much this week but I have learned this:
Crunches – not a chocolate bar. Double – not a large Vodka and Coke. Extension – not a conservatory on the side of your house. Fast Twitch – not the look on my face when MRS CAL ask for more housekeeping.
That’s it for now unless you are brave enough to check out my new BB Problem Page forum and ask me a question. Bye for now.
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
Its been a couple of weeks since I've updated the thread - the problem page has taken off and I'm busy with that. I'm still training with THE BURDS and although CHUBBS and ANOTHERBLOKE have moved on to new jobs there are a couple of newbies to tell you about. Don't worry, as RKNEE said "I'll be back". Cya.
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
our Cal is on holiday (gay cruise) but he will update us all with the highs of his holiday when he gets back im sure
Getting ready to leave for Blighty, back in work on Monday and back in the gym. However I'll scribble a holiday happenings update soon. In the meantime get scribbling on the problems page!
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
When I asked MRS CAL where she wanted to go on holiday she replied "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time" so as I suggested "the kitchen" it was only natural for her knee to connect with my b*llocks. Grovelling, I offered to buy her a present."Whatcha want burd?" I asked. "Something shiny that goes from 0-200 in 3 seconds" she replied.So as I plonked bathroom scales in front of her, it swiftly brought a 2nd kick to my love spuds. I booked a holiday shortly after!
Now I love holidays but I hate flying: it's not the taking off or landing bit but the being stuck behind the fattest bloke in the Universe bit. This time was no different and, because I must have eaten babies in a previous life, I found myself behind JABBA FATBAST*RD on his way to the World Lard-Pie eating championships. Evertime he drew breath, his chair groaned and slammed into my face. Now I've never been a pretty boy but,with my hair long gone, and my body not far behind, my looks are all I have left. So when he attempted to recline his seat as I was eating, my legendary sense of humour disapeared faster than a Scouser at a Job Interview. The stewardess had to restrain me with a cattle prod as I threatened to ram my tiny airline pudding up his a*se.
Arriving on the island of lurve, my gym pass and mountain bike sorted, we settled in at our mate's villa. Now here's a top tip. If you produce a bungalow-sized dump smelling like TANK'S breath, make sure the loo flushes. In this case it didn't and, climbing on the bog seat to fix the cystern,I slipped and ripped my ankle ligaments.So, 3 hours after landing I was being x-rayed in a local hospital. During the examination I took a fit of giggles which the medic assumed was pain related - never mind the pain, all I could think about was the look on my host's face as she opened the bog to be greeted by my dinosaur droppings.
Day 2 saw MRS CAL trip over one of the OFFSPRING breaking her foot and ripping her ankle ligaments (no show without fecking Punch eh?). Cue a 2nd trip in 24 hours to x-ray. So I spent the next 14 days acting as waiter, chauffeur, and all round beatch to MRS CAL. I managed zero training, had to hold her hand, and got robbed blind by the OFFSPRING.To top it off, on the flight home, I got the seat behind FATBOYFAT - a being so large he had his own postcode. Apparently, accordingly to ELDEST BOY OFFSPRING, it's called Kharma. They say you never stop learning and that's true cos the only Kharma I know comes with rice and chips!
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
How unlucky though..jeeeeeesus! both all healed up? How old are the dreaded money snatcher offsprings?
My holiday in just under 3 weeks :0
My pleasure I'm healed and just managed a couple of hours aero on my bike in the pouring rain - gym tomorrow yay! MRS CAL still a malingering hose-beast and off for another x-ray tomorrow. OFFSPRING have just completed A levels and talking about University which means either selling bodily parts to pay for that or building MRS CAL a new patio. Where ya going on hols?
Cal All round Good Egg & Gentleman by day Dr Cal by night.
well from the sounds of it mate you should have taken the gay cruise option (i would of gone with you as your +1 if needed) hope you both get better quickly fella especially the missis as theres nothing worse then having an injured woman to run after as mine always decides its payback time for when i get manflue and she has to run round after me, hence shes plays on anything from a broken nail to full on clymidia (she doesnt have clymidia was just an example i hope)
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, Ricky can now wear his assless chaps after speaking to 
and Tank, well I'm still working on that......................Let's do it. 
I'm healed and just managed a couple of hours aero on my bike in the pouring rain - gym
